The big 3-0!

I am now officially closer to being 40 than I am to being 20.  I'm not sure how that happened or how I feel about it. We went out with some friends to celebrate all the special things in August.  Sebrina, Ami and I all have b-days within a week of each other along with Matt and Ami's anniversary. 

30 hasn't been that bad, Life is good!

Might as well be siblings

Staying home has been an adjustment.  I miss the money and routine but most of all I miss these kiddo's.  I use to spend 50 hours a week with them ever since they were newborns.  They have been a part of Kaige's life since the beginning.  He wasn't born an only child and had a unique experience as he accompanied me to my nanny job each day.  It was such a blessing to all of us.  I knew it was time to no longer work outside the home, but Kaige missing these two munchkins made me constantly second guess my decision.  I'm glad they aren't too far away and that we can have play dates from time to time. 

Real Life Nightmare

I try to hit up Sprouts on Wednesdays to take advantage of their double ad days and stock up on produce for the week.  I went just to get some berries, and had a phone call on the way in.  I talked the whole time as I pushed Cassidy in her car seat in the cart and Kaige tagged along next to me.  I was even on the phone as I checked out and then loaded up my car and headed home.  I hung up with my friend just as I pulled into my driveway.  When we parked in the garage I turned around to the back seat and unbuckled Kaige.  He got out the passenger rear door and was excited to help me pull the trash cans in.  Together very slowly we pulled both trash cans back to the back yard.  When done, I came to the driver side back door, and opened it.  There I saw the bucket the baby carrier clicks into, and not baby carrier,  NO CASSIDY!!!!!  I stood there, thinking....where is she.  Think Poiette, think. OH MY GOSH, I'M THAT MOM!  I left my baby at Sprouts.  I left my baby in the cart, in the parking lot!  My body and mind could not function and I had all sorts of thoughts running into my mind.  Do I call 911, do I call Sprouts?  Do I drive to Sprouts and then what, ask if anyone has seen my baby.  I desperately tried to call Josh on my phone, but my fingers wouldn't work.  I needed to get Kaige back into his seat and could I get to my baby fast enough?  What were the cops going to say, what was the news going to say?  How could I prove that I was a good mom, that I don't do drugs, that I love my baby, and that I was just tired.  So tired, I freaking forgot my baby at Sprouts!  I could not call Josh for the life of me.  I ran into the house and yelled for Josh or Jen.  Just maybe one of them would be home, or awake and could look up Sprouts number and call them as I head back to find my baby.  I have never been so scared in my life.  As I yelled up the stairs I hear a voice behind me in the kitchen and I turn to see Josh standing in the kitchen unbuckling Cassidy out of her car seat on the island.  It took me a moment to process, and then my body collapsed.  I yelled you A-hole and crumpled to the bottom of the stairs and just sobbed.  I could barely get out what I had thought.  I cried and I finally went to the bathroom to try and compose myself.  Every fiber of my body ached with relief and adrenalin.  My baby was ok, I hadn't left her. If there was any doubt of my love for that little girl it went flying out that window with the fear I had accidentally abandoned her.  I love her so much!  I don't know what I would have done if my kids were ever taken away from me.  I do have much more understanding of hormonal exhausted moms who make silly mistakes and forget their child in the car, or in the cart at Sprouts. I was shocked the amount of just how emotional I was over this whole thing and how it really messed my body up.  I check often the backseat to make sure there is a baby carrier behind me as we drive around town.  It's a day, and a feeling I will never forget.

On a side note, the night before I had sent Josh an email at work telling him I just needed more help and attention from him.  So he was totally attentive to my needs and came down to help when we got home.  I just wasn't use to it.  He has never come helped the kids out of the car or with groceries, and so never did it dawn on me that someone else could have taken Cassidy out of the car.  Now after that scare and meltdown, he might never help again.  :)

A Child's Prayer

Josh gave a lesson on prayer in Elder's Quorum a few weeks back and while he was studying for his lesson at the table, Kaige was eating lunch.  Josh stopped and said we should say a prayer.  So Kaige said he wanted to say it, and from then on Josh has been fabulous at reminding us to say blessings for the food.  The last year we haven't really had meals together and so it isn't a habit we've formed.  Very proud of my hubby and thankful for his guidance there.  Well since then Kaige has always wanted to say the blessings on the food, and he does a pretty darn good job.  As for family scriptures, prayers, and songs each night it has felt more like a one man show.  Kaige always picks me to say the prayer, I do the reading and unfortunately for anyone in ear shot I often sing a solo.  Well the other night, Kaige said he wanted to say the family prayer.  Great!  Dear Heavenly Father, Please help mommy keep the hall light on all night.........  What?!?!  Funny boy, I've told him for weeks that it can't stay on all night!!!!!  When his prayer was over I asked Josh what do I do?  Let his prayer be answered???  Of course Josh turned off the light, and ruined the kid, but mommy was to blame.   The next night, Josh went to spend some time with some guys in our ward.  Kaige prayed again and said.  Please help daddy to be nice to Brother Beckstrom.  haha  Kaige is getting older, and he is obviously putting some thought into his prayers.  It's fun!  We sure have one great kid.  He is a joy to have in our family.  We truly have been blessed with a really good kid who strives to choose the right and wants to make us happy.  I have never been that good at saying prayers.  I hope that's one thing my little guy doesn't ever struggle with.  He is off to a good start, and pretty cute too!

Big Brother Kaige

I can't help but look at this picture and smile.  I sure do love my Kaige.  He is such a good son, and wonderful big brother.  We strive to be consistent with him in rules and routines and it has paid off.  When he frustrates us, we have to remind ourselves how wonderful, great and easy he really is.  It could be way worse, and we definitely have a good kid on our hands.   Now that I'm not pregnant and not working, I can spend so much more time with him.  He is so eager to learn and keeping me on my toes.  Right now he really likes to help, so I have to teach myself patience as I teach him how to help.  Not the easiest of tasks, but it's been great. 

He loves doing laundry.  He has learned to fold things and is especially awesome at folding the diaper pads, washcloths and anything else square he can get his hands on.  Anything else he folds ends up rolled and smooched on top of each other.  He is really great at moving clothes from the washer to the dryer and then from the dryer to the basket to be folded.  He really likes to close the appliance doors and start each load. 

Anytime I am in the kitchen and he thinks I am cooking he runs in and declares that he wants to help.  He pushes a chair up and eagerly gets busy.  As I try to let him measure, mix, cut, sprinkle and anything else I can come up with to help I often get distracted and realized I missed a key ingredient or step.  Oops, it's made with love so that makes up for it, right?

Kaige loves to help his daddy in the yard.  Josh has been great at making Kaige excited to help.  It's especially fun for him to pick weeds.  Not sure how long that will last, but we will make use of it while we can. 

Kaige is a fabulous big brother.  We don't let him help with Cassidy nearly as much as he would like.  He is a great helper and has figured out how to sneak some service in.  He washes as much of her in the bathtub until I take over, he sings to her, cuddles her, reads to her, and the other day he came to me with a poopy diaper in hand.  He often wipes and assists in the diaper changing, but he decided he was ready to do it all on his own.  He didn't make too much of a mess....this time! 

This kid is teaching me how to be a better mom, and I struggle daily not to fail.  I am thankful for his lessons he is teaching me and I pray that this wonderful servants heart will always burn strong.  

Father and Son's 2012

 

Kaige's with his buddies at his first Father and Son's Campout.  Doesn't he look happy?  But not as happy as mommy was.  I was at home partying it up with face masks and pazookies with some of my favorite ladies.  Little Cassidy even got her first pedicure and she isn't even a month old yet. 

 

Blessed

 

I am the luckiest girl in the world! The love in our home has more than doubled!