Real Life Nightmare

I try to hit up Sprouts on Wednesdays to take advantage of their double ad days and stock up on produce for the week.  I went just to get some berries, and had a phone call on the way in.  I talked the whole time as I pushed Cassidy in her car seat in the cart and Kaige tagged along next to me.  I was even on the phone as I checked out and then loaded up my car and headed home.  I hung up with my friend just as I pulled into my driveway.  When we parked in the garage I turned around to the back seat and unbuckled Kaige.  He got out the passenger rear door and was excited to help me pull the trash cans in.  Together very slowly we pulled both trash cans back to the back yard.  When done, I came to the driver side back door, and opened it.  There I saw the bucket the baby carrier clicks into, and not baby carrier,  NO CASSIDY!!!!!  I stood there, thinking....where is she.  Think Poiette, think. OH MY GOSH, I'M THAT MOM!  I left my baby at Sprouts.  I left my baby in the cart, in the parking lot!  My body and mind could not function and I had all sorts of thoughts running into my mind.  Do I call 911, do I call Sprouts?  Do I drive to Sprouts and then what, ask if anyone has seen my baby.  I desperately tried to call Josh on my phone, but my fingers wouldn't work.  I needed to get Kaige back into his seat and could I get to my baby fast enough?  What were the cops going to say, what was the news going to say?  How could I prove that I was a good mom, that I don't do drugs, that I love my baby, and that I was just tired.  So tired, I freaking forgot my baby at Sprouts!  I could not call Josh for the life of me.  I ran into the house and yelled for Josh or Jen.  Just maybe one of them would be home, or awake and could look up Sprouts number and call them as I head back to find my baby.  I have never been so scared in my life.  As I yelled up the stairs I hear a voice behind me in the kitchen and I turn to see Josh standing in the kitchen unbuckling Cassidy out of her car seat on the island.  It took me a moment to process, and then my body collapsed.  I yelled you A-hole and crumpled to the bottom of the stairs and just sobbed.  I could barely get out what I had thought.  I cried and I finally went to the bathroom to try and compose myself.  Every fiber of my body ached with relief and adrenalin.  My baby was ok, I hadn't left her. If there was any doubt of my love for that little girl it went flying out that window with the fear I had accidentally abandoned her.  I love her so much!  I don't know what I would have done if my kids were ever taken away from me.  I do have much more understanding of hormonal exhausted moms who make silly mistakes and forget their child in the car, or in the cart at Sprouts. I was shocked the amount of just how emotional I was over this whole thing and how it really messed my body up.  I check often the backseat to make sure there is a baby carrier behind me as we drive around town.  It's a day, and a feeling I will never forget.

On a side note, the night before I had sent Josh an email at work telling him I just needed more help and attention from him.  So he was totally attentive to my needs and came down to help when we got home.  I just wasn't use to it.  He has never come helped the kids out of the car or with groceries, and so never did it dawn on me that someone else could have taken Cassidy out of the car.  Now after that scare and meltdown, he might never help again.  :)