Grandparent's Day

This is a holiday I never thought much about and didn't really even know about it. But this year I can't seem to hide from all the reminders that today is Grandparent's Day. Even our bishop reminded us from the pulpit at church, and my heart just sank. I've been blessed to have had all 4 of my grandparents a part of my life....until now.... My Grandpa David Jenkins died this week, and now I'm filled with all sorts of emotions. I'm wishing I had celebrated them by getting to know them better and letting them know how much I loved them. Although I know death is inevitable for everyone, I've never faced the loss of a loved one and have always taken it for granted that my grandparents will not always be with me. I have lots of regrets, but today I want to celebrate the memories of my Grandpa. I remember him helping with apple shipments, working outside with a large straw hat, handsome, always clean shaven, left handed artist, sales man, and spiritual giant to mention a few. My Aunt Teri asked for any special memories I had of him, there are the ones I shared with her.

*We had a family picnic at a park and I was probably four. My cousin Anjuli fell into the duck pond. I remember watching as everyone yelled to her to swim and I was sure those ducks would attack her. When she got out of the water, my parents took off most of my clothes to let her wear them. While all the attention was on her, I felt vulnerable and naked. My Grandpa just held me and talked to me and for whatever reason, I remember just how special I felt and how comforted I was in his arms.

*Grandpa was always strict and a bit intimidating. At a reunion up near Flagstaff my brothers, cousins and I started jumping from bed to bed. Grandpa came in and I was scared. not only did he not stop us or get mad, he laughed.....it made jumping so much more fun.

*When I had my baby he always had a red nose and rosy cheeks. When I think of my Grandpa, that's what I remember about him too. Maybe Kaige got it from him. Grandpa had a rosy red face and when he smiled a twinkle in his eye that was contagious. There was nothing better than listening to Grandpa laugh and watch his whole body shake after being told a joke or a funny story.

*Up in Dewey Grandpa was a part of a program celebrating Joseph Smith's bday I believe. Josh and I were able to attend. The whole program was wonderful. But as I heard my Grandfather's voice singing "Praise to the Man"........it stood out above all others and I had tingles of the spirit so strong!

*I will always remember my Grandma and Grandpa and how beautiful and happy they looked dancing at my wedding. They were love birds! My grandpa died on the 58th anniversary of their first date. Grandpa did something special for Grandma every year to celebrate that special day until this one when he passed away. I'm betting he had something up his sleeve....if only we knew what...... I couldn't find a picture of them dancing, but I found this one of my Grandpa and my Aunt Teri at the daddy daughter dance at my wedding reception. This is the rosy faced smile I was talking about!

*Last year I had a huge burden as I tried to deal with other peoples requests and a huge deadline. I felt alone and overwhelmed. When Grandpa came by and saw what I was dealing with, he was upset and stood up for me and was truly my hero. He said the most kind things to me and I couldn't doubt the love he had for me, I will always cherish those feelings.

*Christmas Eve will never be the same without my Grandpa. I will miss his voice. There was a carol that had a certain cadence to it....I believe the song was "Good King Wenceslas". He would sing/ belt it out and captivate the room. As I became a silly teenager it became an inside joke amongst the cousins to either get him to sing it, or try not to have him sing it. Once he would I was filled with both giggles and awe. So sad I won't have that pleasure again.

I already miss my Grandpa. I am thankful that he was a part of my life the last 28 years, and that Kaige was even able to meet him. I'm sad my future kid's wont. I want this to be a growing experience and not take the rest of the time I have with my grandparents for granted. I truly have been blessed and I hope I better understand how limited my time is with them. I hope to be a better grand-daughter and learn from their wonderful examples and life experiences. This picture shows both sets of my grandparents at my wedding reception. Happy Grandparent's Day!!! I feel kind of bad that other people can't be as lucky as I am and have the same grandparents I do.

Aunt Tammie's Potatoes

As kids we loved this recipe my mom got from my Aunt. We would fight over the thin crispy ones that clung to the side of the baking dish. It's too easy and yummy not to share.

10 medium size potatoes
3/4 cup melted butter
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1 teaspoon salt

Slice potatoes into little circles. I like thin ones. Mix the seasonings with the butter and pour over the potatoes in a baking dish. Stir the potatoes around with the butter mixture until all are coated.

Bake for 30 minutes at 450

Would you rather go to Cali or on a double date with me?

My friend Vanessa and I have been talking about going on a double date for a long time, and we finally did it! I don't know why we waited so long?!?! Vanessa's wonderful niece Elissa babysat all three of our boys as we hit the town rolling.......literally. We had a blast racing indoor race-karts. Josh and I were polar opposites as far as race results go.
Josh and I have been trying to do a few more dates but none have been this hands on. Josh has always had a need for speed, and I always have a need for socializing, so this double was a perfect combination. I was looking forward to some laughing, and boy did we! Looking like oompa loompa's with our blue jumpsuits and black head socks were just the beginning of it.

After our sweaty and intense race we headed over to the Spaghetti Factory. The table talk and grub were absolutely wonderful. We really never had a lull in conversation as just when a moment of silence passed by someone would start laughing, or say Would you rather????? Would you rather ?? is a game we started playing around a campfire at a ward campout a few years back. Ever since then, it has been one of our most favorite pastimes with our old friends from the Manistee Ranch Ward. Usually we go around a circle and take turns as to who comes up with the ultimate decision. Josh was trying hard not to participate, but I know deep down he was having internal conflicts on what guy he would rather kiss, or the limb he would have to have chopped off. We would just skip him and come up with something even more hilarious than the last round. This game keeps us laughing and grossed out forever. Endless entertainment...if you're in good company, and we were! I truly am thankful for such a fun evening with my "Pumpkin" and close friends.

Is there something on my face?

This morning as I checked my email a sneaky munchkin tickled my ankle. As I turned to see the little culprit I saw a pen in his hand. I crouched down to take the pen and that's when I noticed that my ankle wasn't the only thing attacked by the pen. Thank you Josh for leaving weapons laying around the house!

Do I look fat in these?

I've never asked Josh that question, probably because I know he wouldn't give much of a response, and partly because even though we all know the answer to that question (yes) I know that Josh would never say anything like that to hurt my feelings. I have never been skinny or enjoyed working out and I have always loved Chocolate. I think I have always known that I would have to work extra hard to stay healthy and would have a constant life-long battle with my weight . Knowing that hasn't given me the motivation to be better and actually it has always made me be on the lookout for people who's love might be much more conditional upon my looks. I have family members who can't seem to look past other's weight and constantly are commenting about it. I dated someone who I loved alot but I always feared them not loving me down the road if/when I gained weight. Then I met Josh. I was so head over heels in love with him that I committed an eternity to him before going through my typical list of credentials to help me not be so afraid of being hurt in the future. A week or so before our wedding we were walking through the mall and he pointed at this store that sold women's plus size clothing and asked me if that's where I shopped. My heart filled with all sort of emotions and I was panicked! I wasn't even close to being able to wear any clothes from that store. If he already thinks I shop there, what is he going to think about me when I really could buy clothes from there? I was scared and hurt.....I let his kisses distract me and I tried not to think about it. Then on our honeymoon I kind of asked a stupid question. Something along the lines of if I was bigger than he thought I would be? He answered it comepletely honestly and not the least bit mean along with tons of compliments....but I let it hurt me. I thought there is just no way to avoid the pain I've tried so hard to run from. I'm doomed. I've brought up those two instances to Josh a couple of times, and I know he was floored that I took them the wrong way. Knowing Josh the way I do now, I know that the mall was a complete joke and on our honeymoon, I set him up so that he couldn't give me an answer that didn't hurt. Silly girl, but it didn't make those feelings any less a reality. Well 5 years later and 60 lbs heavier, I've learned not to ask such ridiculous questions.....or have I? :) Last spring I went on a diet and I have still kept off 25 lbs. After Josh was sure that I was losing weight, he started asking me how much I had lost every couple of days. He told me he didn't know if I would like to hear I looked like I lost weight or not. I said I want to hear all about looking better, just please don't tell me when I look worse. That's about the extent Josh has ever talked about my weight. I know of many husbands that complain or try to get their wives to lose weight, but that has never been my Josh and I love him so much for it! I'm sure he wishes I looked more like I did when we got married, but he doesn't let that come between us and never hurts my feelings. I am so thankful for that! Well I just started my diet again, and this time I am much more hungry than before and I'm craving all the yummy food I love to mistreat my body with. I'm in need of more motivation than before, and that's why I asked the question. I looked over the back of the couch to Josh and said would you love me more if I was skinnier? I couldn't believe what the guy said. Without skipping a beat he looked me in the eyes and told me he would love me the same no matter what weight I was. I seriously was jumping inside, felt butterflies like when we were dating and had a heart overflowing with love and appreciation for this guy. He said just what I needed to hear, and meant it. As I said before, my weight will be a life long battle, but I'm so thankful that it isn't a battle with him. There are a few reasons that Josh is perfect for me and this is one big one. He is definitely my protector and has continued to try his best to protect me from all my own insecurities. I love him, and he is worth his weight in gold and so much more.

Kaige's swim lessons

Like Father, Like Son????

It's usually something I would encourage, but not when it comes to getting stung by a scorpion. :( I was cleaning up dinner when Kaige started screaming as he just sat near one of his favorite toys. I was a bit puzzled as I knew this cry meant pain, but he hadn't fallen and I couldn't see what was wrong. It didn't take me long to realize it must be a scorpion. Kaige held his hand up to me and said hurt, I looked down next to his toy and saw it! I picked him up and the screaming continued. To say I was frazzled is an understatement. My phone was being held together by a wire and I couldn't make calls. I held the two pieces of the phone together and texted Josh that Kaige had been stung and to call my mom with what I should do. Kaige being as little as he is and not having a phone I decided to throw Kaige in the car and head to my moms. After he was buckled I decided I needed to go back and kill that scorpion! As I drove down the street I remembered a new neighbor in my ward was home because I had seen her on Facebook; she currently works in the ER as a nurse. I decided I would go to her home. As I knocked on the door frantically her dog started barking and Kaige stopped screaming. A wave of relief calmed me and I started thinking I was silly to be so worried. I had always been warned that babies react the worst to scorpion stings and I had no idea what to expect or what to do. The neighbor welcomed us in and really helped me not worry so much. She had told me about a child she saw in the ER the night before and how crazy almost demonic he got after being stung. Kaige had already calmed down alot, and was just kind of moaning and complaining and being very protective of his finger. She encouraged me to call Poison Control and to follow their advice. I was going to head to my mom's to use her phone and have some support when I read Josh's concerned texts. I had taken Josh to the airport earlier that morning and he was spending time with his family in Portland before Kaige and I could join him later in the week. Distance didn't stop Josh from helping. He called his home teaching companion to come give Kaige a blessing. I returned home so that Kaige could receive a blessing and within minutes my mom was there and so was Josh's companion. We called another brother from the ward down the street and together these two men laid their hands upon Kaige's head as he received a Priesthood blessing of healing. He was promised that he would return to his happy self. Other words were said, but those few, were the ones that gave me the most assurance because by this point my little guy was screaming non stop at the top of his lungs. I spoke to Poison Control and after giving them my info they gave me things to look for. They said to watch for change in eye movement, jerks of the body and drooling like a waterspout. They were to call in 30 minutes as a follow up. I started getting really nervous after about 20 minutes. His clothes were drenched with drool, he was coughing, and his finger up to the first knuckle had quadrupled in size. It wasn't that I felt like it was life threatening at this point, but I was nervous that it was getting to a point that would effect his breathing or maybe he was having an allergic reaction to it. I wasn't sure how fast those scary reactions would take place and how soon he would need medical attention. My mom called Poison Control for me, and they sent the fire dept. and the paramedics to our house. Kaige continued to scream and choke and it felt like an eternity for help to arrive. I wished we were just driving ourselves. I walked outside when they got there, and Kaige was fascinated by the lights and trucks and once again stopped screaming. Another wave of relief passed by and I thought to myself....oh man these paramedics are going to think I am the most protective over-worried mom ever. After taking his vitals and watching Kaige they said he needed to be taken to the hospital. I should have been more assertive and insisted on my mom driving us, but I just wanted to know my baby was going to be ok, and I just went with the flow. I climbed in the back of the ambulance and had to roll my eyes as the paramedics asked where the closest hospital was and had difficulty navigating out of my neighborhood. Kaige just laid on my chest and moaned. Every once in a while he would start crying again, and I just talked to him. He had calmed down quite a bit and I was feeling really self conscious of all the effort and drama going into getting my son checked out by a doctor. I kept rubbing Kaige's back and telling him that I loved him and this was the most expensive car ride he will ever have. :) We weren't far from the hospital when his screaming intensified and I had a hard time holding him. He was throwing his head back and his skinny little body was so rigid and hard to cuddle and comfort. Not only was his shirt soaked with drool so was mine. We were escorted right into a room in the ER and given immediate attention. They were putting IV's in Kaige and drawing blood right away. I left the room for a little while as I am sooo terrified of needles and doctors. My guilt outweighed my fear and I went to the head of the bed to try and comfort my little guy. I sang songs as a worker was laying on top of him to hold him down and a half dozen other ones were working on him. I just rubbed his face and sang him songs. He was getting more out of control by the minute. He was so upset, and in so much pain and I just felt helpless. When my mom arrived, Kaige wanted her. You could tell he just wanted help and he wasn't getting it from me. It tore at my heart! We were informed that Phoenix Children's Hospital had been contacted and that they said Kaige's reactions warranted anti venom. The problem they were having was that their last dose of it was used on a kid the day before, the same kid my neighbor had described. They were calling different hospitals looking at where to send us for the help we needed. Because it was going to take longer than anticipated they gave Kaige a cocktail of medicine in his IV. This is when I experienced a fear I have never encountered. This was to help with pain, sedate him to calm him down, and also to stop his drooling. Within a minute, my son that I was having a hard time holding became limp, his breathing went crazy and his eyes began to roll back and forth into his head. I was freaking out about the breathing and panicking when the nurse left. They got him a breathing treatment and kept having me look at the monitors and try to show me that he sounded worse than he was and that he was getting enough oxygen and breathing ok. His eyes kept rolling into his head and then twitching back and forth. This medicine is doing more harm than good I kept thinking. He continued to sob but without the resistance or strength that had given me the earlier workout. His hands and feet began to jerk and twitch. When I questioned all these reactions the nurse explained to me that this was the venom from the scorpion. Kaige had been holding himself so tense and crying so much that we couldn't see any of these reactions before. No I didn't believe it....this nurse couldn't know what she was talking about. A doctor came in to check on Kaige and give me an update on the anti-venom and before I could bring up my concerns he pointed out Kaige's eyes and twitching and said that this was from the scorpion venom. My poor little guy was struggling so much. It was such a tense and scary time. My mom was fielding calls and trying to keep Josh updated. She started crying as she spoke to him as he had broken down in tears. He could hear his son screaming in pain in the background and he felt so helpless being 1,000 plus miles away. I felt sorry for Josh too. A doctor came in smiling and said that the anti venom was experimental and so only certain doctors could administer it. He then said that the lead doctor of the study had just shown up at the hospital and was able to get some and administer it. He wasn't suppose to be there that night, at 11PM none the less. I nervously agreed to the Non FDA approved anti venom. The biggest risk to this drug is an allergic reaction to horses. I have an allergy to horses and since Kaige has lots of food allergies already they took extra precaution to have backups in case of bad reaction. The doctor was very confident when he said that once he has the anti venom he should be able to leave within the hour and that he instantly should be relieved of most of his negative reactions. After hours of Kaige being miserable and in pain I was skeptical. How thankful I am that he was right! Withing 15 minutes Kaige was done crying, had fallen asleep and had very little twitching of the eyes, hand and feet. He was so peaceful and sleeping effortlessly! When he woke up he was not only talking to me but talking to his daddy on the phone, sitting on his own and smiling. I had my happy little boy again just as promised!!!! Within an hour of him being given the anti-venom we were being released and Kaige was basically back to his normal self. I got him home and he remained protective of his finger, but other than that he was just fine. We sang songs and did our bedtime prayers with lots of thanks for the previous prayers that were answered. I thought Kaige might be up all night, but he went to bed, didn't wake up once and even slept in. The next morning he still was his happy old self with an owie finger. Oh how I love my boy!!! I am so thankful for family, friends, and prayers that were answered by means of a Priesthood blessing followed by fabulous medical treatment. I continue to be amazed at how something so small can cause so much damage and then how a small amount of medicine can do such healing. I'm thankful for the blessings bestowed upon my little family in our time of need!