Christmas Sunday 2012

All dressed up for Christmas Sunday! They are all smiles now because they don't realize they have to listen to their mom speak at church today. 

2nd Annual Canyon Trails VT Caroling 2012

 

My Glendale Girl's started the tradition of Visiting Teaching caroling when we all lived in the same ward.  I was very reluctant at the idea, but little did I know it would become one of my most favorite holiday traditions.  When I moved to Goodyear, I started the tradition with my new ward and new friends.  Somehow it has escalated to costumes and more fun than I could ever imagine. 

Ward Christmas Breakfast 2012

 

For months Kaige had been telling us the same things he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas.  Green Popsicles, green little car and a green big car.  Every Santa he visited said the same thing. "You sure like green, don't you?"  Yes he does!  I was impressed that his wish list was simple and had stayed the same.  We look forward to this annual breakfast our ward has each December.  This year I think we had the tallest gingerbread house.

Just like Papa

 

There is no hiding that Kaige loves his Papa. 

 He wants to be just like him. 

Hold the car handle like Papa

 Wear hats and fight zombies like Papa

Hang his sunglasses on his shirt like Papa. 

They have always had a special relationship. As a mom you really appreciate the things that make your children's face light up.  Papa Hedgecock is definitely one of those for Kaige.  

Priesthood Blessings

Kaige had been sick with a high fever and just miserable.  We had asked him if he wanted a blessing, and that scared him.  He wasn't interested.  We had planned to go visit Robert in the hospital and since we couldn't get him much more sick than he already was we stuck to our plan.  As we walked the hospital parking lot Kaige asked if he could have a blessing.  I had him repeat to Josh his request and we were excited that he was interested in it, and excited to ask Robert to help.  As sick as he was he was very happy and willing to exercise his Priesthood.  What a special thing it was for all of us.  Kaige was a different kid leaving that hospital and already felt much better.

Robert has since passed, and I am so thankful for the ability he had to give Kaige a blessing.  Kaige remembers it and has brought it up to us several times since his Papa Hoopes has died. 

My brother Qadry is maturing into a great guy even more since he joined the Air Force.  He is on his way from TX to CO and got to come home for a couple of weeks.  During that time he was to be ordained an Elder and receive the Melchizedek priesthood.  We spoke to Kaige about this special blessing, and that we were going to the church to be there for Qadry to get the Priesthood.  He then reminded us about his Papa and Daddy giving him the Priesthood blessing when he was sick.  Little did I know, he really thought they had literally given it to him.

We were at the bookstore buying an oil vial for Qadry and Kaige wanted one of his own.  I promised him that when he received the priesthood, we would get him one of his own.  He looked at me and declared.  I ALREADY HAVE THE PRIESTHOOD! Papa and Daddy gave it to me at the hospital.  REMEMBER MAMA?!?!  Oh sweet boy, I remember.  I'm so glad you do too!  He is too young to completely understand.  But not too young, to forget special things and feelings.  I am so thankful for the Priesthood in my life!

CTR

As I tried to buckle Kaige into his car seat after we left Deseret Book store, I find Kaige had items in his hands that I hadn't paid for.  Are you kidding me?!?  How ironic is it that the first time my kid steals it's from the church book store?  As I asked him about it and told him we must go and take it back I realize that its a CTR ring, and a CTR bracelet.  CTR stands for Choose The Right.  If there can be anything funny about stealing, CTR merchandise has got to be it.  We went back into the store, and he went right back to the displays and put them where they belong.  I then told him, thank you but we still need to say I'm sorry.  He didn't want any of that.  I told him he would have to sit on my lap and we would stay there until he could apologize.  It took a long while, and a lot of coaxing.  After I lifted him up to stand in front of the worker he finally spit out an apology.  As soon as we got out the door he burst into tears.  He cried the whole way from the store to my work.  At least 15 minutes.  I tried to find out if he was crying because he didn't have the stuff or crying because he felt bad.  He was too beside himself to communicate.  When we stopped at work, he said.  I'm sorry mommy.  Ohhh melt my heart! I'm sorry too.  I don't think he really knew what he was doing.  He never tried to sneak it, but I think he knows much better now what stealing is.  I hope as painful as it was, that it truly was a learning lesson. 

The big 3-0!

I am now officially closer to being 40 than I am to being 20.  I'm not sure how that happened or how I feel about it. We went out with some friends to celebrate all the special things in August.  Sebrina, Ami and I all have b-days within a week of each other along with Matt and Ami's anniversary. 

30 hasn't been that bad, Life is good!

Might as well be siblings

Staying home has been an adjustment.  I miss the money and routine but most of all I miss these kiddo's.  I use to spend 50 hours a week with them ever since they were newborns.  They have been a part of Kaige's life since the beginning.  He wasn't born an only child and had a unique experience as he accompanied me to my nanny job each day.  It was such a blessing to all of us.  I knew it was time to no longer work outside the home, but Kaige missing these two munchkins made me constantly second guess my decision.  I'm glad they aren't too far away and that we can have play dates from time to time. 

Real Life Nightmare

I try to hit up Sprouts on Wednesdays to take advantage of their double ad days and stock up on produce for the week.  I went just to get some berries, and had a phone call on the way in.  I talked the whole time as I pushed Cassidy in her car seat in the cart and Kaige tagged along next to me.  I was even on the phone as I checked out and then loaded up my car and headed home.  I hung up with my friend just as I pulled into my driveway.  When we parked in the garage I turned around to the back seat and unbuckled Kaige.  He got out the passenger rear door and was excited to help me pull the trash cans in.  Together very slowly we pulled both trash cans back to the back yard.  When done, I came to the driver side back door, and opened it.  There I saw the bucket the baby carrier clicks into, and not baby carrier,  NO CASSIDY!!!!!  I stood there, thinking....where is she.  Think Poiette, think. OH MY GOSH, I'M THAT MOM!  I left my baby at Sprouts.  I left my baby in the cart, in the parking lot!  My body and mind could not function and I had all sorts of thoughts running into my mind.  Do I call 911, do I call Sprouts?  Do I drive to Sprouts and then what, ask if anyone has seen my baby.  I desperately tried to call Josh on my phone, but my fingers wouldn't work.  I needed to get Kaige back into his seat and could I get to my baby fast enough?  What were the cops going to say, what was the news going to say?  How could I prove that I was a good mom, that I don't do drugs, that I love my baby, and that I was just tired.  So tired, I freaking forgot my baby at Sprouts!  I could not call Josh for the life of me.  I ran into the house and yelled for Josh or Jen.  Just maybe one of them would be home, or awake and could look up Sprouts number and call them as I head back to find my baby.  I have never been so scared in my life.  As I yelled up the stairs I hear a voice behind me in the kitchen and I turn to see Josh standing in the kitchen unbuckling Cassidy out of her car seat on the island.  It took me a moment to process, and then my body collapsed.  I yelled you A-hole and crumpled to the bottom of the stairs and just sobbed.  I could barely get out what I had thought.  I cried and I finally went to the bathroom to try and compose myself.  Every fiber of my body ached with relief and adrenalin.  My baby was ok, I hadn't left her. If there was any doubt of my love for that little girl it went flying out that window with the fear I had accidentally abandoned her.  I love her so much!  I don't know what I would have done if my kids were ever taken away from me.  I do have much more understanding of hormonal exhausted moms who make silly mistakes and forget their child in the car, or in the cart at Sprouts. I was shocked the amount of just how emotional I was over this whole thing and how it really messed my body up.  I check often the backseat to make sure there is a baby carrier behind me as we drive around town.  It's a day, and a feeling I will never forget.

On a side note, the night before I had sent Josh an email at work telling him I just needed more help and attention from him.  So he was totally attentive to my needs and came down to help when we got home.  I just wasn't use to it.  He has never come helped the kids out of the car or with groceries, and so never did it dawn on me that someone else could have taken Cassidy out of the car.  Now after that scare and meltdown, he might never help again.  :)

A Child's Prayer

Josh gave a lesson on prayer in Elder's Quorum a few weeks back and while he was studying for his lesson at the table, Kaige was eating lunch.  Josh stopped and said we should say a prayer.  So Kaige said he wanted to say it, and from then on Josh has been fabulous at reminding us to say blessings for the food.  The last year we haven't really had meals together and so it isn't a habit we've formed.  Very proud of my hubby and thankful for his guidance there.  Well since then Kaige has always wanted to say the blessings on the food, and he does a pretty darn good job.  As for family scriptures, prayers, and songs each night it has felt more like a one man show.  Kaige always picks me to say the prayer, I do the reading and unfortunately for anyone in ear shot I often sing a solo.  Well the other night, Kaige said he wanted to say the family prayer.  Great!  Dear Heavenly Father, Please help mommy keep the hall light on all night.........  What?!?!  Funny boy, I've told him for weeks that it can't stay on all night!!!!!  When his prayer was over I asked Josh what do I do?  Let his prayer be answered???  Of course Josh turned off the light, and ruined the kid, but mommy was to blame.   The next night, Josh went to spend some time with some guys in our ward.  Kaige prayed again and said.  Please help daddy to be nice to Brother Beckstrom.  haha  Kaige is getting older, and he is obviously putting some thought into his prayers.  It's fun!  We sure have one great kid.  He is a joy to have in our family.  We truly have been blessed with a really good kid who strives to choose the right and wants to make us happy.  I have never been that good at saying prayers.  I hope that's one thing my little guy doesn't ever struggle with.  He is off to a good start, and pretty cute too!

Big Brother Kaige

I can't help but look at this picture and smile.  I sure do love my Kaige.  He is such a good son, and wonderful big brother.  We strive to be consistent with him in rules and routines and it has paid off.  When he frustrates us, we have to remind ourselves how wonderful, great and easy he really is.  It could be way worse, and we definitely have a good kid on our hands.   Now that I'm not pregnant and not working, I can spend so much more time with him.  He is so eager to learn and keeping me on my toes.  Right now he really likes to help, so I have to teach myself patience as I teach him how to help.  Not the easiest of tasks, but it's been great. 

He loves doing laundry.  He has learned to fold things and is especially awesome at folding the diaper pads, washcloths and anything else square he can get his hands on.  Anything else he folds ends up rolled and smooched on top of each other.  He is really great at moving clothes from the washer to the dryer and then from the dryer to the basket to be folded.  He really likes to close the appliance doors and start each load. 

Anytime I am in the kitchen and he thinks I am cooking he runs in and declares that he wants to help.  He pushes a chair up and eagerly gets busy.  As I try to let him measure, mix, cut, sprinkle and anything else I can come up with to help I often get distracted and realized I missed a key ingredient or step.  Oops, it's made with love so that makes up for it, right?

Kaige loves to help his daddy in the yard.  Josh has been great at making Kaige excited to help.  It's especially fun for him to pick weeds.  Not sure how long that will last, but we will make use of it while we can. 

Kaige is a fabulous big brother.  We don't let him help with Cassidy nearly as much as he would like.  He is a great helper and has figured out how to sneak some service in.  He washes as much of her in the bathtub until I take over, he sings to her, cuddles her, reads to her, and the other day he came to me with a poopy diaper in hand.  He often wipes and assists in the diaper changing, but he decided he was ready to do it all on his own.  He didn't make too much of a mess....this time! 

This kid is teaching me how to be a better mom, and I struggle daily not to fail.  I am thankful for his lessons he is teaching me and I pray that this wonderful servants heart will always burn strong.  

Father and Son's 2012

 

Kaige's with his buddies at his first Father and Son's Campout.  Doesn't he look happy?  But not as happy as mommy was.  I was at home partying it up with face masks and pazookies with some of my favorite ladies.  Little Cassidy even got her first pedicure and she isn't even a month old yet. 

 

Blessed

 

I am the luckiest girl in the world! The love in our home has more than doubled!

Cassidy's Birth Story

Cassidy Joy Hedgecock

Born April 16, 2012

8 lbs 21 1/2 inches

Just like her brother, she was nice and cozy inside her mommy's tummy and was not motivated by her due date at all.  Josh and I were married on a Friday the 13th, so I would have loved if she was born on her actual due date of Friday the 13th of April.  No such luck, and originally I had no desire to even consider help getting my labor started unless she went a full week over and the doctor started getting on my case.  Well Josh switched crews and just happened to have his long change the week after Cassidy was due, and my mom by chance got a week off that same time too.  I no longer was working, and so all of us were just twiddling our thumbs waiting for her to make her debut.  Having my mom and Josh already off and knowing Kaige could be taken care of weighed heavily on me, so I had decided to ask my Dr. to strip my membranes at my appointment on Monday.  Of course my doctor had to leave and deliver two babies while I was waiting for my appointment and the office wanted me to see another doctor or reschedule.  I wasn't working, didn't have anything much better to do, so I waited it out to see MY doctor and get stripped.  He assured me that him stripping my membranes would only work if my body was close and ready to go into labor.  When he did it with Kaige, he showed me his bloody glove and I hadn't even left the doctor's office when I started feeling period like cramps and had to stop and buy a heating pad before I could go to work.  This time, there was no bloody show, no cramps, and little hope the baby was coming anytime soon.  I called my mom to tell her after all the stress on whether or not to get stripped and finally deciding it looked like baby Cassidy wasn't going to be hurried along.  I laid down when Kaige had quiet time and started to feel a little achy, but I was 9+ months pregnant and didn't feel like it was any different than any other day.  Around 4 I got the period like cramps I had with Kaige, by 5 I realized there were waves of stronger discomfort-every 4-5 minutes. (Same as with Kaige) I started to sit on the toilet alot to try and eliviate some of the pain.  I'm a big wuss and don't like pain at all.  I just kind of labored alone for 2 hours while Josh and Kaige would play together.  I tried to go outside and watch them play ball but I would have to go back and sit and rock on the toilet.  On a side note in addition to not planning on being stripped, this whole pregnancy I planned not to go to the hospital late at night and wait it out until early morning so they couldn't charge us for an additional night.  The silly things I added to my list to stress about.  Well by 7 I was pretty sure I was going to need an epidural before midnight and was hating how big of a whimp I was.  The pain was every few minutes so I asked my sister in law to come home in the next couple of hours and we got Kaige to bed, and packed up our stuff.  (I also asked Jen not to tell anyone, because I didn't want to deal with texts and other people until after we were settled in the hospital and knew this was for reals.)  I was anxious for Jen to get home and Josh to load the car, but I think I was the only one in a hurry.  I was just ready to get an epidural and was getting to the point that I couldn't function much.  I took a hot bath, but it wasn't the natural epidural people claim, I just wanted to sit on the toilet.  (That's just my position of choice for periods, labor, miscarriage, ect.) Things were moving along and I was headed to the car to leave and had to keep going to the bathroom.  I remember feeling like an old person as I walked and wasn't sure how I was going to get to the car, let along sit there for a half hour until we got the the hospital.  I struggled to get comfortable in the car, and I remember telling Josh that there is a sound you are suppose to make to help with breathing and pain.  I didn't know what that sound was, but I was making all sorts of animal noises trying to figure it out.  ahhhhhh, ooooo, awwww, oioioi, rrrrr, eeee.  Nothing worked, I was just tense and complained the whole way saying I can't do this Josh.  I know you are suppose to relax with the contractions, how the hell??  I braced and held my breath and was frustrated at just how much of a wuss I was.  When I left the Dr. office that morning my stress test showed no contractions and that I was just barely a 3.  I was in alot of pain, wanted some relief and was horrified that I would get to the hospital and they would send me home, or make me wait a while before admitting me. 

We finally got there and Josh pulled into the ER entrance, and then had to go park the car.  I told him we can get our stuff later after they put me in a room and I had my epidural.  I asked the receptionist how to get to the maternity ward and they asked me if I was in labor? YES!!!  Then they asked me if I was over 20 weeks? WHAT?!?!  It took alot for me to not say look at me retard! Instead I just said OVER! They pointed the way, and I wasn't going to wait for Josh.  I didn't get very far and was having a hard time walking, and I was really nauseous.  By the time Josh got to me, we both realized I needed help so he went to get me a wheel chair.  I had my puke bags in hand and had to use them in the hallway of the ER.  Lovely.  I'm standing there and realize my puke bag has a hole in it and now I have puke on me and the ER floor.  Even more lovely.  Josh returns and then tries to tell someone that there was a mess that needs to be cleaned up.  We waited, and waited and finally I put the bag over the throw up and we left.  Someone will figure it out.  Of course the wheel chair was missing the foot rests so I sat Indian Style as I was wheeled to labor and delivery.  We got there and were trying to check in.  They asked for all sorts of info and I was frustrated because I had mailed in my pre-registraton packet so I wouldn't have to deal with it.  They couldn't find me in the system even thought I had delievered a baby there before and had surgery there a year earlier.  Finally they found me! One step closer to an epidural!  Josh filled out some paperwork for me and one question asked arrival time.  It was 10:15PM.  Finally they were taking me to triage to check on me and get things started. 

I was handed a gown and a cup to pee in.  I could not pee in the cup for the life of me, but I loved sitting on the toilet trying to.  Finally when I knew there was not a drop of urine to muster up I somehow  forced myself out of the bathroom and down to my bed.  I apologized that I couldn't pee in the cup and continued to feel stupid for not being able to leave them a sample and for being such a baby when it came to pain.  Laying down made everything hurt 10 times worse.  I was miserable and kept saying I can't do this, I don't know how I am going to do this, I can't do this!  Poor Josh, what can he say...umm you have to.  I knew this and I knew I wasn't going to die, but I wanted to!  They finally checked me and it was probably about 10:30, I was a whole whopping.....brace yourself.....4!  Come on, I'd progressed 1 cm since leaving the doctors office, and here I was wanting to die?  I had 6 more cm to go.  The "I can't do this" pleas continued to flow from my mouth and I wanted my epidural now!  These sweet nurses really were great and never made me feel bad , but I was so embrarrassed that I was in so much pain and only a 4.  They assured me labor was painful, and that 4 was considered active labor.  I just kept apologizing to them and chanting that I couldn't do this in the midst of shifting and sitting and trying to find a comfortable position in the bed.  I had a clipboard of forms I was suppose to be signing so that they could treat me, deliver baby, give me epidural, baby shots, episiotimy and all that fun stuff.  I could not sign these papers.  I was in pain and I couldn't relax enough to look at it let alone sign it.  The nurse said let's get you in a room and get you comfortable, get you your epidural and then you can sign it.  Again the apologies for my wussiness continued but I was so thankful. 

I got to my room and I had to go to the bathroom or at least sit on the toilet.  Oh man it hurt!  I came out for a minute and the nurse told me that the anesthesiologist was on the floor giving one lady an epidural, and then had one more before me.  I asked her, what does that mean?  Do I have an hour to wait?  She promised me she would ask and then let me know and give me an honest answer.  I didn't want to lay in the bed, I wanted to go sit on the toilet.  Oh man, I got in there and I didn't want to stand and I didn't want to sit.  I was in so much pain and it was scary because I didn't know how to make myself feel better and I had to wait before I could get my drugs.  I called Josh into the bathroom, there was nothing he could do but I needed him.  I remember him standing there while I sat and I was just squeezing his thumb.  I didn't know what to do, so I'm sure he really didn't know what to do.  Somehow I convinced myself to leave the bathroom but I instantly regreted it.  I could not force myself to lay down.  The new nurse was already in my room urging me to lay down so she could get me on the monitor.  I did not want to lay down.  I was standing up against the side of the bed on one leg with the other leg bent resting on the bed thinking about laying down.  I was connected to the IV and I couldn't talk myself into the bed at all.  I told the nurse I just need to go to the bathroom, please!!!!  She said do you need to go to the bathroom or does it just feel like you do?  I don't know, I just want to sit on the toilet, please!!!!  She wouldn't let me, she said if it was your first maybe, but not with your second.  I was pretty upset and in a personal panic.  She left the room for some reason, and I stuck my fingers up inside of me and felt a budge.  My water hadn't broken, so I knew it wasn't the head.....I knew it was something-but I've heard down there changes all sorts of crazy when in labor so I ignored it. 

I seriously felt alot of pressure and really really wanted to sit on the toilet.  I was obedient to the nurse for some reason and just stood next to the bed.  I told Josh come around the bed in front of me, I'm seriously going to poop.  I said that several times, I so didn't want him to see me crap myself and the bed, but if that's what was going to happen he was going to be warned.  The nurse heard me say I needed to poop again and she decided she needed to check me.  Umm that meant me in the bed and thats the last thing I wanted done.  I seriously believe she threw me down on the bed to check me.  I know I didn't willingly lie down.  

You're a 9 she said.  What a 9?  My first questions was, can I still get an epidural?  She replied, I'm going to be honest, probably not, but you can do this.  She told someone to page Dr. Erickson and the room went into chaos.  My mind was racing and I thought how long is it going to take me to get from a 9 to a 10 and how long am I going to have to push without an epidural.  I was scared.  It never crossed my mind that maybe this baby would come fast, and I never thought about how fast I had progressed so far.  I just had it in my mind that every cm takes about an hour, and that I recently had a friend push naturally for 2 hours.  I didn't want anything to do with this, I wanted to stop hurting and I couldn't see any end in sight.  The nurse told me not to push, I still tightened up my muscles but I wasn't actively pushing to get her out.  The room transformed for delivery.  Bed broken apart, lights on, nurses in a flury.  What was I doing?  I was seriously hanging on for dear life to the bed rails.  I squeezed those suckers and as labor progressed I remember trying to pull them in towards me.  I was holding on so tight that I felt like I was pulling the room in towards me. 

I heard a huge pop, felt a huge splash as my water bursted.  The nurse hollared to get an ER doc.  I kept chanting "I can't do this!" No one seemed to listen to me or really care.  The nurses were great and told me what a good job I was doing, the nurse also said if the doctor doesn't get there, she would deliver for me.  It still never crossed my mind that the baby would be here in minutes....seconds...  As soon as the nurses saw the head they kept saying look at all that hair.  They asked me if I wanted to touch her head.  No! I want her out!!!!  I wish they had given me permission to push, because I was mentally torn.  I know I had been told not to push, but all I wanted to do was push.  So I pushed, and pushed, and pulled at those bed rails.  I'm not sure how I didn't break the bed.

 I have a sister in law who said she doesn't mind the long labor it's the last 5 minutes when the baby is coming out that she wants the epidural for.  I kept remembering this and was waiting for that feeling to know the end was in sight, and all the sudden my baby was out and she started crying instantly.  Josh cut the cord and they took the baby to the table.  Cassidy was 8 lbs. 21 1/2 inches long and born at 11:28 on April 16th.  Josh followed her and I was mentally trying to get a grip on what just happened. 

I asked if I had torn, and they just said the Dr. will be here soon to examine you.  Yep that's right.  There was no Dr. in the room when I delivered.  Niether the ER or my Dr. had made it.  Little Cassidy was the star of her own version of the Fast and the Furious.  We realized just how fast when Dr. Erickson came in and you could see his surprise that the baby had already been delivered.  He said, you paged me she was a 9.  He checked his page and it was 7 minutes earlier.  Got to give him some credit, he was pretty fast getting there, but she was faster.  So that means we were checking in at 10:15 and she was born at 11:28. Nuts!  That was an intense hour and 15 minutes. 

I'm a big boy now!

 

I try to be pretty methodical in my parenting and transitioning Kaige from the crib to a big boy bed was no different.  He had been able to climb out of his crib for a year, but I retrained him to stay in there, but with the new baby due in a month I was running out of time.  So I put my pregnancy sickness aside and cleaned out what we called the "box" room.  Josh painted, and we set up the water bed.  My parents have got their money out of this bed.  It was my first big girl bed 27 years ago, and it's what Josh and I slept on the first 4 years of our marriage. I did a good job of talking up this move into the new bed, and he even got to pick out the new Spider Man to join him.  I was impressed with how little time it took Kaige to fall asleep.  Mission accomplished!

Preschool Spring 2012

My mom spoiled me with participating in Joy School as a kid.  I have the best memories and friends from it.  One of my sister in law's was a close friend of mine long before we married brothers because we were in Joy School together.  I wanted something similar with Kaige.  We live in a great ward with lots of kids Kaige's age and the other mom's were happy to be a part of a preschool co-op.  This was the first semester.  7 boys + 1 girl = tons of fun! Kaige wasn't even 3 when we started this, 5 of the mom's were pregnant or had a newborn, so it was definitely a learning experience for both the kids and the mom's. When it was our week for preschool, the house was trashed, I was exhausted, but I couldn't wait to do it again the next semester.  We love it!