Happy 6th Anniversary May 13, 2011

Josh and I were married on Friday the 13th of May in 2005.  This year we celebrated our 6th anniversary on another Friday the 13th.  A day that comes with so many superstitions has been nothing but lucky for us.  Every year I try to give an anniversary gift that coordinates with the gift for each year.  I don't have to, but it helps me start thinking of what I could give him. 

1st Anniversary-Paper-I gave him a new set of scriptures.
2nd Anniversary-Cotton-I gave him temple clothes.
3rd Anniversary-Leather-I got him new shoes
4th Anniversary-Linen-I can't remember what "linen" I gave him, but I legally became a Hedgecock.
5th Anniversary- Wood- We got the Prayer at the Valley Forge painting with a wood frame.
6th Anniversary-Candy- I gave him See's in case he didn't appreciate the candy gram I made him.

I went on a candy (Spree ) to help tell my ( Sweet-tart ) Happy Anniversary and reminisce about our  (toy story ).  My (Life Savers) changed forever when a (Big Hunk ) called me on the phone. When we kissed on our 2nd date my tummy did (Belly Flops ).  I've been (Goo Goo ) for you ever since.  Dating was a (Crunch triple delight ), you were so (Sweet Conversation hearts) to me and took everything in (Stride gum).  My (Heart conversation) was yours and I was (Certs)ain you were the one.  A TV show was our (Ice Breakers ) and we talked about spanking our future (Sugar Babies ).  I couldn't wait for you to (Popcorn) the question and put a (Ring pop) on my (Butterfinger ).  We were sealed for (Now and Laters ).  We went to the Bahamas and had lots of (Fun Dip) and even got to (Big Bang Chew) ;)  As newlyweds we were (Nerds rope ) with accents and (Goobers ) with money.  It was exciting to find out we were having a (Baby Ruth). Our little (Junior mints) was born, he was such a little (Runts).  I hope we can have at least (3 Musketeers ) more.  Thanks for always helping me when I'm in a (Crunch), for working so hard to be able to be my (Sugar Daddy) and being (Extra gum) forgiving with me.  Despite some (Rocky Road)s, I wouldn't trade any of it for (100 Grand).  It's ok if you think I'm a (Nerds) , or (Snickers ) at my card, just know I would go to the (Milky Way ) and back for you.  (Yowsers gumballs) 6 years!!!  Happy Anniversary my love!

Happy Birthday Old Man

It's kind of weird to think that Josh said goodbye to his 20's and hello to his 30's.  I'm not that far behind, it's weird how old we are getting.  We had a birthday bash at the park with family and friends the Saturday before his bday.   We couldn't have asked for better weather that evening as we played sand volleyball and ate goodies.  It was perfect.  I think the sand volleyball might become an annual thing because it was so much fun. 

On his birthday I told him I wanted to take him out to dinner and to wear nice clothes.  He was less than thrilled about dressing up.  So he didn't know where we were going until we arrived.  Ruth's Chris!  I went there about 10 years ago but I think I was just too immature to really appreciate it.

 I had made reservations online and noted that we were celebrating a bday and anniversary.  So we were immediately seated at a table decorated with Happy Birthday confetti and rose petals.  Every host and server continued to congratulate us throughout the night.  Our server tried to save us money and had the best of recommendations.  That steak was the absolute best thing ever!  All the food was yummy and then we had complimentary desserts brought to us that had Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary written in chocolate.  The Host came and took a picture of us and then emailed it to us the next morning The food was soooo good I wanted to eat more, but I physically couldn't.  The service was amazing and it was so nice to be that spoiled for a night.  A week later we got a handwritten postcard from our server.  Like I said, amazing service!  Yes it was expensive, but I'm so glad we splurged!

So Josh is 30.  I'm ok with that, not that I have a choice.  But the older he gets, the more I love him.  He's my favorite old guy these days!

Back to reality

We couldn't have been more disappointed for our vacation to come to an end. We spent a whole week there, and would just like to retire and be permanent house guests. Mike and Odessa have a lovely home with an awesome backyard. We spent hours just being outside in the grass. It was so fun to come outside and find Josh playing ball with Kaige. Josh also found an owl up in the trees and was determined for Kaige to see it too. Kaige saw and squished snails for the first time and we all enjoyed playing the ladders game and just being outside in fabulous weather. It was a great vacation. I think we'll have to spend at least a week visiting Papa and Grandma Dess every year.

California Day 5

We really just bummed around all day and enjoyed doing nothing much of anything with some of our favorite people. They had to work most the time we were there so it was good to spend time with Mike and Odessa. That evening we had dinner on the pier near the Diablo Canyon nuclear power plant that they work at.

There are some huge sea lions that dock themselves on a bottom ledge of the pier. We all enjoyed looking at them. Seeing them that close you realize just how huge they are.

Dinner was amazing! This place even made crab cakes taste delicious. We sat at a table that had an opening surrounded by mirrors looking down into the ocean. Neat!

California Day 4

Papa had the day off so we decided he needed to enjoy it Kaigey style. After a yummy breakfast at Pimso Beach we went to the San Luis Opispo's Children's Museum. I worried about the guys being bored some but there was alot for them to do to interact with Kaige. He had a ball! Kaige isn't a stranger to trains. He loves them both at work and at home, but this one was extra neat because it had a hole in the middle that he could pop up in where he could reach all parts of the train table.

I don't think a police officer would be my first choice for Kaige to be when he grows up, but he sure would make a cute one. He loved getting to sit on the motorcycle too.

This place had so many places for him to be a driver. He absolutely loved the firetruck, motorcycle, train, and space shuttle. Ever since then he has wanted to play in the driver seats of our cars. He is 100% boy!

I just love the whole fireman look especially the boots.

He really enjoyed every activity center they had and I look forward to taking him to the Children's Museum of Phoenix.

I developed a love of farmers market when I lived in Oregon. Thursday night is the San Luis Obispo farmers market. I was thrilled that Mike and Odessa wanted to go and that we could enjoy the food and atmosphere. I have never had a larger more yummy strawberry than the ones I bought at this market. Grandma Dess bought Kaige a balloon. He didn't want to have it tied to his wrist and everyone including Josh made comments about it only lasting a minute before it floats away. I said something like Josh you better jump and get it for him. Well he lasted a few minutes and was determined not to have it tied to him. Next thing you know I hear the most sweet desperate cry for a daddy. I look back and Kaige is pleading for his daddy to get it. "Daddy! Get it daddy! Daddy!" He was sooo cute and so pathetic at the same time. It tugged at my heart strings. It was such a tender moment and as irrational as it was I was upset that Josh wasn't by, didn't hear his precious plea, and couldn't be the hero Kaige was needing.

California Day 3

I'm totally bummed that I didn't bring my camera along for our fun day. We went to Avila Valley Barn and once again enjoyed a country market and free animals to look at and feed. Next time I want to bring a picnic to eat there and enjoy some yummy old fashion ice cream after. I bought some fresh squash and some corn that later inspired us to grill corn on the cob and some burgers for a yummy BBQ that night.

We hit the beach, and boy was it beautiful. The water was cold, so getting my feet wet was enough for me. Kaige was very leery of that huge massive monster they call The Ocean and yet he was drawn to it at the same time. He eventually thought it was really fun for me to carry him towards the water and then run to towards the beach so that the waves couldn't get us. Of course we played with sand, shells and sea creatures and just had a fun time being together and enjoying Kaige experience new things.

California Day 2

Tuesday we drove up the coast and saw the Elephant Seals. I'm always impressed to see hundreds and hundreds of the huge animals sun bathing on this beach. Kaige got quite a kick out of them barking and wasn't happy when they fought. I think we even decided a couple of them needed time out.

We enjoyed a few hours in Morrow Bay. We went to their fabulous little aquarium and Kaige had fun feeding their sea lions and going from tank to tank to see the fish. I think he visited each tank a dozen times. This town has lots of fun shops to browse through and yummy places to eat. One shop that we always have to make a stop at is the shell shop. Josh and I were surprised that the first thing Kaige did was put a shell up to his ear and squeal that he could hear the ocean. It was so cute and we don't have a clue where he learned that from. He spent the whole time picking up different shells and listening to the ocean. On our drive back I find Kaige in his car seat happy as can be listening to the ocean in both ears.

California Day 1 April 25, 2011

Our trip to California was packed with family fun. Our first day we took Kaige to a small little country store that had a free critter corral to enjoy. Kaige could have spent hours there looking at all the animals.

Wasn't meant to be

I waited one long agonizing week to share my news with Josh on Valentines day. Paradise Bakery helped me out-too bad everyone thinks it says "met you" instead of "me + you". I couldn't have been more excited to be pregnant again and share the news with Josh. Well stupid me needs to stop trying to be creative when it comes to pregnancies. The two times I have, it hasn't worked out.

I was pregnant before Kaige. We waited to tell our family until Christmas. I had little gifts that said grandma or grandpa to surprise our parents. I can't think of a better Christmas gift and everyone was excited for us. I even had a little bet going with my brother on who could make Mom cry over the gift they gave her. I won! But soon lost. Literally. I had a miscarriage the next day. It was such an awful/miserably emotional experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But I didn't have kids, I wasn't far along, and I moved on as much as I could. But 3 1/2 years later I still think about the positive pregnancy test the beginning of December, the miscarriage on December 26th and the due date August 15th. We got pregnant 5 months later and I'm sure that helped.

But I paid my dues, many people seems to have miscarriages the first go round, I was safe. That really was my mentality and I didn't have huge anxiety that I might lose a baby especially after I had Kaige. Boy was I wrong! I didn't see it coming, and I was hit hard. Now I am haunted by dates.

February 8th -found out I was pregnant

February 14th-told Josh with cookie I was pregnant

March 25th- ultrasound words read "no cardiac detected". DNC that night

April 2nd- was suppose to dress Kaige up in Big Bro shirt and announce to my family during General Conference. Instead it was the first day Kaige lifted up my shirt and asked asked about the baby.

April 9th- suppose to dress Kaige in a different Big Brother shirt and announce to Josh's family after Alora's baptism.

April 30th- wear a shirt in the Warrior Dash announcing to my friends I was pregnant.

May 8th- celebrate being a mommy to two

May 13th- celebrate our 6th anniversary and find out the gender of our bundle of joy. Announce on facebook we were expecting.

October 16th- Baby Due

October 31st- Kaige be a monkey, baby be a monkey, I would be the momma, and Josh would be the Dr. the momma calls when her monkey jumps off the bed and hits their head. And of course I will think of this baby every time I see that newborn monkey costume. Duh, I had it already! You guys know me right?

Most those dates were long after the life in me was no more. And yet they had been milestones I was looking forward to, and were painful to pass. I was an emotional mess for a good 2 weeks. I was so emotionally sick I was barely functional. It slowly, very slowly got better, but I am shocked what a mess I am months later. A day hasn't passed that my nose doesn't start to burn and my eyes start to water. Not a single day! I am so much better, but I still ache! I'm not baby hungry, or jealous of other people's baby blessings. I seriously can't control my heart longing for something that once belonged to it. And I am terrified of ever having to go through such horrific pain again. If it's happened to me twice, what's to stop it from happening a 3rd or 6th? I don't think I could do it. I barely survived this time.

I had my amazing hubby who put his loss aside and took care of me, and put up with my endless crying. I had food dropped off at my door, mom checking up on me, friends heart attacking me, flowers brought. If it wasn't for wonderful Josh, wonderful VT, wonderful friends and family -I don't know how I would have gotten through it. Despite it all, I know I am soooo blessed. I know my baby's spirit needed a stronger body, and I know that Heavenly Father hated to see me so sad. So did Kaige. He broke my heart when he would ask "Mommy sad?", or "mommy go to the doctor because her tummy hurt?"

The world wants you to move on, they have. But I can't. I often feel like people are pulling me forward and my heart and feet are stuck in quicksand. I read a blog of a mom who had lost a child. These are her words, but they hit the nail on the head.

"it only lasted for such a short time. how can I still ache so much. maybe because for us, we are mother's from the moment we find out they exist."

That's exactly right. We are mothers from the moment we find out they exist. And now after having had the privilege of being a mommy, I knew just what I had lost.

Luke Days 2011

I was so excited to go to Luke Days with my boys! The Water's family met us there and it was a wonderful family outing. I was worried about two things. The noise of the jets and Kaige's first experience with porta-potties. Both kind of scared him a little, but he got over it and enjoyed his day. Josh got him shooting ear muffs and they were perfect. We are looking forward to taking him again in 2013.

Jenkins Jamboree February 19, 2011

February my dad had his 2nd furlough. This time it wasn't for a funeral and was simply to enjoy family outside his usual confinement. He had 12 hours to spend in Tucson, so we took advantage of it and had lots of fun. Grandma Jenkins helped to sponsor the event, and the food and activities were perfect.

We met at a park and enjoyed a super windy picnic. Besides the wind my only complaint is that my daddy was scarring my kid. I don't blame Kaige. My dad looks kind of scary, probably looks like he fits right in with his other roommates. I don't like his long hair and especially his nasty beard. Kaige kept saying "scary" anytime my dad looked or tried to have anything to do with him . I have to agree, scary! It kind of ticked me off. On a happy note my Aunt Teri brought the lemonade and my mouth is watering just thinking about it's yummy goodness. I will definitely need to be getting that recipe.

We then went to the zoo. Talk about the perfect zoo. It was very intimate and you didn't have to walk all over to see all the animals so up close. The wind died down and we were able to enjoy the afternoon there. Kaige loves animals and somehow he wanted to go inside the aviary enough that he was willing to go with the first person to offer.....my dad. Wow! From then on Kaige warmed up to him. Thank heavens! He smiled and got my dad to look at things he wanted and carry him around. It was such a relief, and I'm glad I got some tender moments on picture.

Kaige can get just about anyone to just about anything. I tell ya. Next thing you know my Grandma was pushing her walker singing to Kaige sitting on the seat. Quite the luxury ride. Then he got Qadry to pose on a peacock for pictures. Not only did he get his Great Grandma Jenkins to ride the small bumpy train with him, he got everyone else to as well. I love the pic of my dad, Qie and Qadry all squeezed into a mini train cart. My favorite picture of all is the one with the 4 boys. We haven't been able to be in a setting like this for years. The three youngest all are wearing plaid too.

Oh I almost forgot. Grandma wanted to buy my dad some work boots. So they were on a wild goose chase trying to find some wide boots for my dad. At one store the saleslady asked my dad what he did for work. He responded that he was an inmate at the federal prison. They asked, no really? what do you do?....I'm an inmate at the prison. hahaha I'm glad my brother's were old enough to find this hilarious and not be too embarrassed. It is embarrassing. Look at him, doesn't he look like an inmate? Most people would come up with something to say besides that, but nope not my dad. He sometimes likes to thrive on the awkward truth. He's nuts!

Dad should be getting more furloughs, and hopefully they will be a bit longer and he can spend time closer to home. Home is a funny word considering everything. So I guess I mean closer to me and the rest of the family.

Kaige turns 2

We used Kaige's birthday as an excuse to head north and play in the snow. It was Kaige's first experience with snow and we were looking forward to the day trip with the Booths and Tim and Jessica. I'm pretty sure I was more scared to go sleeding down the hill than Kaige was. Once he went once, he wanted to go again and again. He could have sled all day long, especially since he had us carrying him back up to the top. On his actual birthday we took him to his favorite place in the world, Chuck E. Cheese of course!

New Years Eve

I spent New Year's Eve watching Kaige's crotch. Yep that's right I had my eyes glued to my little man wearing big boy undies and just waiting for any sign that he needed to go potty. I was following a three day potty training guide and doing exactly what it said. You don't let the child leave your side and the instant they start going potty you pick them up and rush them to the potty. I had four days off from work so I decided it was now or never. Accident after accident, it was a really long three days. That long three days, turned into a very long four days. It was Sunday on the 4th day, and I was fasting since I stayed home from church during this. Fasting to be a good mom, fasting for patience, and fasting that the spirit would guide my parenting. Four days and Kaige was no-where near potty trained, and I was emotional at what seemed to be a failure. But what do I do? Quit, give up and take back everything I told Kaige about being a big boy? It didn't feel right. I was kneeling down breaking my fast and Kaige came and sat down on my lap.......and peed right on me in the middle of my prayer. Are you flippen kidding me? Was that my answer? Was it a lost cause? No. For whatever reason, I had my answer. I knew we needed to go to the park. I had cabin fever and was going crazy. He must be too. I loaded up the wagon with the frog potty and headed to the park. I thought this is not going to end well. He had fun, we seemed to like each other the more he swung and it was just nice to get out. We didn't have any accidents at the park, and then we got home and he told me "poopy". We ran to the bathroom and he did it! I was so scared to go to work the next morning. Kaige needed to be in undies but I didn't need him having accidents at my boss's house. I was already nervous about them learning I was potty training since their kid was 16 months older than Kaige and still in diapers. So we go to work. I put a diaper pad in his undies as back up, and had all my potty training gear in the car. Well 20 minutes into being at work, Kaige says "poopy". We run to the potty and he went. WOO HOO. Then an hour later he went again, and again, and again. He was basically potty trained. He announces "poopy" when he needs to use the restroom no matter if it's #1 or #2. Going #2 in the potty took a few days longer, but it wasn't bad at all. Four months later and I am still leary of saying he is potty trained. But he is definitly doing good in training. He only wears a pullup at night. He rarely has accidents, but sometimes he conveintly forgets how to use the potty. It lasts a few frustrating days and then he is potty trained for another month or so. Kaige was potty trained a month before he turned two. I am a big believer in this method, but it takes alot of patience and real dedication. To be honest...... as proud as I am of Kaige's potty training accomplishments, I feel pretty accomplished myself.

Christmas 2010

He wasn't even two but he knew just what to do with those presents. It was a joy to watch him open one present after another and play with his gifts. His favorite ones this year was his baby doll we named Micheal, and his frog potty. We enjoyed all of the Hedgecocks over on Christmas Eve and then my side of the family came over Christmas morning and we opened presents and had a brunch. There is no better way to celebrate Christ's birth than with family.